Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:2-3
Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics once said, “Never giving criticism without praise is a strict rule for me. No matter what you are criticizing, you must find something good to say- both before and after. . . criticize the act not the person.” It reminded me of something I’ve practiced for years, what I call “bookending”. When you have to address an issue, conflict or problem, you bookend it, starting with something encouraging and ending it with something empowering. Jesus often did this when dealing with people. He knew beginning with words of kindness and encouragement surprised people and they dropped their defenses and opened their hearts and minds to listen. Not only did they hear, but because He wasn’t attacking them, and wanted to help them, they were willing to make the needed changes. Then after He would address the issue, He would empower them by letting them know they were set free and could go live their lives in freedom. “Bookending” words of affirmation are what holds the entire issue together so it can be corrected.
Although most of the people Jesus encountered this way, responded positively, there were some like the rich young ruler, who listened to Jesus, but wasn’t willing to follow through. He may have walked away sad, but he wasn’t destroyed or demoralized. Jesus planted seeds of hope in that young man knowing if he chose, he could still change his mind.
What do you think would happen if we would begin encouraging and reaffirming people when there is a problem rather than attacking them and tearing them down? It wouldn’t just change the situation, but it would plant seeds of positive change in the person and in turn that change will continue to influence others for the good. Perhaps that’s why the Scripture teaches us that we overcome evil with good.
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